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How did I arrive at Thrizer?
I could say, “The choice was easy! Transition out of being a direct-care clinical therapist and choose to work for a company that supports therapists. It’s an open-and-shut case!”
Oh, you want the full story? *beckons* Step into my laboratory!
It all goes back to the early 2010s…
When I was a teenager, all seemed to be going well. I went to a magnet school in my hometown of Richmond, Virginia, had friends, played sports. I prided myself on being a high achiever (and not much else).
But underneath it all, a checkered picture started to emerge.
I had begun feeling miserable in the fall of my sophomore year of high school after getting shin splints playing field hockey. I couldn’t play anymore and felt isolated, unsure about why I was so upset about a sport that I didn’t even like that much and certainly wasn’t any good at (my talents at the time were more along the Model United Nations lines).
I fantasized about suicide every day, and felt anxious about socializing, school, and my future. I also engaged in self-harm.
After my mother forced me to go to therapy, I started working with a social worker.
I ended up seeing her for the next three years until I went to college. In the process, I slowly emerged from the dark place I was in and didn’t feel quite so badly anymore.
It’s been a varied road since, of course. But because I wanted to help other young people like me, I set my sights on becoming a social worker, like my high school therapist.
I explored other majors in college but settled on psychology so that I would have a head start in graduate school.
After spending a couple of years in the nonprofit space to see if I enjoyed working with young people one-on-one, I enrolled in a Master of Social Work program in western Massachusetts.
As usual, I found a program that touted itself as the best of the best - plenty of achievement-oriented language on their marketing materials.
I toddled to class, feeling like I was going to change the world. Or at least, help some people. Or…something?
23-and-24-year-old-me worked with college students and then with veterans in a severe substance use recovery program during graduate school.
Then the pandemic hit. My program enabled us students to complete our internships around the country, so I moved across the country 5 times during the pandemic.
I ended up in Seattle, in no small part because I wanted to be less uptight. #eastcoaster
I worked with queer and trans clients of color through a trauma-focused lens for 6 months.
Then came my breakdown.
At first, it started with a little bit of anxiety. A little bit of fear about seeing my clients.
Then I fully crashed. I would sit next to the gas fireplace on my living room floor for close to an hour in the morning, trying to drum up the desire to go to work. And I couldn't do it.
So I took a medical leave.
After that, I quit. I just couldn’t make myself go to work, nor could I continue being a therapist for my clients in good faith. I also had an identity crisis, since I had built my entire sense of self on being a professional, and being a clinician at that.
I took several months to figure out what I might want to do next. In the process, I recovered from a long-term eating disorder that had been contributing to my anxiety.
Fast-forward a couple of years. When I first encountered Thrizer, I loved the idea. Helping clinicians make their full rate and help clients pay less for therapy? A revelation.
My clinician peers lamented how little money they made and how exhausted they felt.
In the same breath, they would say how much they wanted to work with clients that couldn’t afford to work with fancy private practice therapists, and that they didn’t want to sell out.
My friends might mention Bell Hooks or Audre Lorde. And then they’d go see all of their clients again for too little money the next week.
I wanted them to thrive. Clients, too, of course - my professional mission has always been to increase access to mental healthcare. But clinicians too - how could we focus on them? How could we make sure that they could thrive rather than survive?
For a while, I wondered if you had to be a certain type of person to be happy as a therapist. Upper-middle-class, white, cisgender, straight, and married - probably to a spouse that could put you on his health insurance. Otherwise, it felt like I and people I loved were falling through the cracks of the system.
And from the healthcare side of things - we can’t treat therapists as “human capital.” We’re human, full stop. We need to take care of therapists because it’s the right thing to do, not just so that they can take care of their clients.
What I want is for people to be able to see therapists that understand their needs and identities. To be able to go as frequently as they want. And to believe that they can build a life worth living.
I want therapist interns to be paid to see clients. For therapists to only see as many clients as they want to.
And for no therapist to call me at night, crying and saying that they’re in the same place that I was in when I left direct care.
And I’m excited to build that world with Thrizer.
